A spiritual war

It is11:45pm on a Friday, X has been asleep for the last hour and a half (His last meds are at 10), and I have just finished watching a movie my friend Jesse recommended, Ink. I really haven't had the time to watch this movie until now, I tried watching it a few days ago, but I was too distracted by every move X made in the night. I watched the entire thing tonight on Hulu and I was really affected by this movie; and no I am not turning this site into a movie critic site. I do want to tell you if you get a chance to watch it, you should, my eyes were water logged because of the last 5 minutes of the movie. The acting itself was ok, sometimes really sub-par, but the storyline and the meaning are incredible and the last 5 minutes are worth the entire movie. I think that is what Jesse told me about the movie after he watched it. Seriously, you should watch it; it made me think about the spiritual war that may be happening in our situation.


I have written about it in past post, wondering if angels were watching us as we walked the halls, how they are sent by God to keep us safe; there is also another side to it as well, that is the evil side. The enemy, whose sole purpose is destruction, most people do not like talking about this part and I may lose some people because I am talking about it, but it is just as real as God is, just not as powerful, or ever-lasting. I know that God is the same yesterday, today and forever, I know that he has his healing hand over every hospital, and that his angels guard us from evil. But for the last few days I have been having this overwhelming sense that there is a very real, and very serious spiritual war going on, and Xander is in the middle of it. Now I am not going off the deep end thinking that Xander’s soul is at stake, or the future of the world rest on his well being, far from that. But I do believe that Xander, along with every other person going through whatever kind of suffering, is being fought for. What I am trying to say is that everyone has this war going on, and although we may be more aware of it during certain time in our lives as opposed to others, it is still going on.

My personal opinion, again MY personal opinion, Xander is destined for something great, I am not sure what that looks like, but I really think it is true. Maybe his greatness will be him becoming a missionary in a remote part of the world where no one knows what he does but God. Maybe he will be an incredible business man who is an example of a Godly man to everyone who meets him, or maybe he will be one of the greatest dads to ever live. Whatever it is, I know it will be great; I think that this heart-wrenching time in our lives has only made these feelings more concrete in my heart. After watching this movie it has made this spiritual aspect even more of a reality, and added more fuel to my tired soul, again I will be praying with fervor. To be honest I was slowing down, I am not sure why, it could be a number of reasons, but the fact is I have slowed down. No more, I am back, the warrior within has rested and is once again awake, ready to battle.

Xander is doing well, he had his electrodes removed today, and I am fairly sure that we are test free, at least until Monday. My sweet, sweet Xander is such a trooper, I have found myself stuck between wanting to keep him very safe, and allowing him his much deserved freedom. As far as what is going on, I am not sure I want to talk about that all yet, at least not until we have a better understanding of it, and where we want to go with it. I will say this, the core of the seizures was not removed the first time, the aftershocks (kindling) were, but the epicenter was not. They think they know where it is now, but they have to be sure so that is why we have been doing more tests, and reviewing past test as well as the surgery. They have called other respected neurologist for possible suggestions, and by next week we should have another plan laid out, they did tell us that they needed to hit a homerun this next time, for Xander. The possibilities they talked to us about are scary, to say the least, for us, but I am sure we will know what to do when the time comes.

I want to say one more thing about this whole spiritual war thing I feel is going on, I want to ask those out there who pray, to pray against despair. A week ago I wrote a post called Love and Hope; it was a little more than a week ago I felt this nagging about a spiritual war, which is why I wrote that post. I asked you who follow this to pray for hope, I will further explain why. There is this fictional book called "This Present Darkness" I read it years ago, but I was reminded of it again about 10 days ago. The book explains how there are evil lords in charge of certain building, such as the Courthouse, jails, some churches, and even hospitals. What gets me, even though it is a fictional book, is how true that could be, and one night when I was praying I felt like there was despair in this hospital and I couldn't help wonder if it was like the book talked about. So again I ask you all to pray for hope, so that despair gets kicked in the teeth. I could be wrong, after all, God is the only one who truly knows, but prayer either way can never hurt.

This time in my life, this season, has really stripped me down. I feel so vulnerable, so weak, so small, yet at the same time I feel strengthened, able to move mountains and loved; it is strange how that works, very strange. I wish I could share with you all how God has blessed me during the hardest time in my life, I am not talking about explaining it to you, I am talking about the blessing my spirit has received. When I say "God is my only hope" there is such conviction there I think my heart could explode, I wish I could share that with you. Writing about the goodness of God seems so blah, I feel like if I had to tell you about it in the way that would best describe it, it would be dancing. It's crazy, but dancing, David in 2nd Samuel 6:14 danced, he was showing everyone how he felt about God in the best way, it sounds crazy, but I get it.

Lord you are a great God, so incredible; words are not worthy to describe you. I am blessed to be called by your name, to have you walk with me in my darkest hour. Every time my enemies have called me out to battle, you are with me. They are forced to tremble and run in your presence. There are times I may ask where you are at, but I know you are near. I am a victorious because you are by my side, I am a blessed man, and one look at my family proves it. Lord I ask that you would fill the hearts of your faithful; I ask that you would meet them where they are at. For all of those praying for a 5 year old boy named Xander, bless them, bless them in a way they have to acknowledge it is from you. I thank you for all of those fighting with us; please refill those who are empty or weak. I ask for a victory in this battle that is taking place, and I stand firm on you word that says you are my shepherd; I shall not want. You make me to lie down in green pastures: and you lead me beside the still waters. You restore my soul: and lead me in the paths of righteousness for your name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies: you anoint my head with oil; my cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

Stay strong family and friends, this is a war, many battles are fought, some may feel like losses, but the final battle fought to determine the war belongs to the Lord. I know this sounds really "Chrisitanese" and I hate that it does, but there is no way around it. Love ya all.